Should Children Attend Funerals?

A short while ago, celebrant Stuart Morris spoke about his experience of seeing a child at a funeral that he was conducting. The child was 8 or 9, and grieving the loss of his infant sibling. 

The image is painful to even think about, let alone watch in person. But grief is something we experience at all stages of life, whether we are children or older adults, and it is important as celebrants for us to recognise this and work with families of all ages to ensure a funeral runs smoothly. 

The Potential Challenges of Children at Funerals

Funerals are hard at the best of times, and having children present can add some practical and emotional challenges. For example: 

• Children might find part of a funeral boring and could cause distractions or talk over you
• Children may lack understanding about the event, become confused worried or distressed by the emotions they see in others, or the emotions they feel in themselves
• Children may not understand some of the rituals in funerals
• Very young children and infants might have care needs during the ceremony which can cause their caregiver to become distracted or miss some of the funeral 

But there are some simple things we can do as celebrants to make sure that challenges are minimised and that children in attendance can benefit from the experience as much as the adults. 

How To Help Children At Funerals

1. Talk to the parents / caregivers about their view on the best way you can include their child in the ceremony. This might be adapting language or offering extra explanations so that a child can understand. 
2. Ask the parents if the child would like a role - such as placing a sentimental item on the casket or writing a short poem for you to read on their behalf.
3. If the venue is unfamiliar to you, ask if there is a nearby room or quiet space the child can retreat to with an adult if it becomes too overwhelming (or too boring!)
4. Acknowledge their grief and offer comfort
5. Make sure the venue and environment is breastfeeding friendly
6. Trust the parents’ or caregivers’ opinions and feedback 

Generally speaking, parents tend to know if their child can cope with a funeral. It is never easy, but you can follow their lead when it comes to involving their child. Keep communication with the parents open and allow the event to unfold in a supportive and inclusive way. 

Finally, it is wise to remember that grief is a form of healing, and that funerals play a key role in this healing process - to include a child could be hugely beneficial to them when handled with care and compassion. 

Could You Be A Celebrant?

If you have not yet commenced on celebrancy training, and are wondering if this career choice is right for you, take a look at our quiz. The quiz is designed to give you insight into the traits and attributes needed to become a funeral celebrant, or wedding celebrant.