Should I Deliver A Funeral For A Friend?

If a dear friend has died, you might be asked to be the funeral Celebrant by their family. You may be considering writing and delivering their funeral, but, quite naturally, have some reservations or concerns. If you are a fully trained Celebrant, or just considering Celebrancy as a profession, it is quite possible to take a funeral for a friend- if you feel it is fitting and right to do so. Before you decide, you should weigh the advantages of this against a few considerations. 

Advantages

1. It’s good practise for new Celebrants, if you feel ready 

Often, we train delegates who tell us they delivered a funeral for a friend before undertaking any formal celebrancy training. They felt that it was good practice to decide whether or not Celebrancy was the right career path for them. Similarly, we have heard of many newly trained Celebrants begin their formal careers by taking ceremonies for friends and family. It helps to gain valuable experience and gain important testimonials to use in future marketing to prospective customers. 

2. Your knowledge will be invaluable 

When taking a funeral for a friend, your knowledge of them and their life will give deeper meaning to the ceremony and scripts. You will also be able to derive deeper conversations with the family, as they are likely already known to you. You will know which questions to ask - and which not to. And, you can choose certain words and phrases that you know will be fitting to your friend. 

3. It might help with healing

Being a celebrant for a friend’s funeral can contribute to your own grief and healing in a unique way. It is an honour to play such an important role in their passing, and you will spend time reflecting on their life and achievements, getting to know their family, and overseeing their send-off. This can feel like a truly unique blessing. 

Considerations

1. It’ll be hard

Saying goodbye to a friend is difficult, but even more so when you are given the huge responsibility of delivering their funeral. You might find yourself feeling emotional, but unable to express it in the same way as the congregation. You might find yourself triggered by mentions of certain people or memories, and so it is important to practise these parts in advance so you are not caught off guard on the day. 

2. You might delay grieving

When you are working as a Celebrant, you have your professional celebrant ‘hat’ on, and will behave accordingly. You will not be given the same freedom to openly grieve in the funeral. In the lead up to the funeral you will be busy planning the ceremony, and this might also delay your grief until after the funeral has concluded. It’s important to remember this and prepare for it. 

3. Never assume

When you are talking to the family of your deceased friend, it could be tempting to ‘assume’ a fair amount of knowledge and information. You might want to contribute as much personal experience of that person as you can, or shape the funeral in a way you feel is most fitting. This is a mistake and could interfere with the relationship you have with the deceased’s family. It is important to listen, let the family lead, and contribute if it is welcome for you to do so. 

If you have not yet trained with us, you can download our brochure here, or call us on 03333404434 for more information on our residential training and celebrancy qualifications.